How are we expected to survive without this concept? I was reminded how important it was one evening, a few years back at a Christmas gathering. The host walked up to me and insulted me with a verbal two-by-four, right between the eyes.

It was such a perfect way to begin the season of love, peace and joy to the world.

True to his intent, the verbal blow staggered me and almost knocked me to the ground. I was dumbstruck. I’d done a ton for his family.

Why was I being attacked? This “friend” had asked me to write letters of recommendation to help his kids get into college. He’d asked for a letter attesting to his character, when he went to join a private club. We’d been to each others’ homes and had played tennis on occasion.

I don’t know about you, but I lacked (and still lack) the social skills required to handle such an unexpected verbal onslaught. In truth, I was half an inch away from decking him at his own party. But that “Discretion and Valor” bit ruled the day. There must be another way, I thought.

All through the meaI I fumed. Should I stand up and give a toast, detailing what a despicable scallywag he was, then walk defiantly out of the room? That would get him! Should I go to his table and pour a drink in his face? Should I take him aside afterwards and threaten (or actually deliver) his hard earned punch in the snoot? Why had no one taught me how to handle a situation like this?

Ah, the letter I would write to him detailing his perfidiousness, and extolling my virtues. I wrote it over and over in my mind during the car ride home, and late that night. I spent the weekend plotting the exact words which would really hurt and cause him pain commiserate with the injustice he had done me.

I was sure that my superior wisdom would pain him deeply.

Of course I knew such a letter would be useless. But it would make me feel better. And who is more important than moi? I wanted revenge and I wanted it right then and there. How I would make him suffer for the crimes he’d committed.

It occurred to me back then that if only dueling existed in the 21st century the recourse would have been easy. For better or worse, dueling had the cleansing effect of preventing physical cowards from besmirching another’s honor. Oh, cowards could still violate the code as they do today--but back in the day it carried a price.

I continued to plot my revenge. I had forgotten that we were entering the season of Advent, as we will again this Sunday.

Idiot that I am, in the middle of plotting my revenge, the kids and I went to a 7pm reconciliation service at the Church. If you ever harbored any thoughts about converting to Catholicism, this is one reason not to do it. As I sat there in the darkness, instead of contemplating my own sins I used the quiet time to plot the destruction of my adversary.

Then (as we now know, the poker playing, riverboat gambler), Father Brenkle wrecked everything. He reminded us that it says, “...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Damn. Wisdom was interfering with my delicious desire for vengeance.

Worse, he suggested that for our penance, we write down the name of an adversary and pray for them each day during advent. Now what the hell was that for? All my plans were wrecked. All my cleverly crafted vicious words would go to the trash can. All the energy I was using building up my hatred would have to be channeled elsewhere.

Vengeance which was within my grasp, would have to wait another day. My Christmas was ruined. Where I had enjoyed wallowing in my hatred, now I had to forgive, love, and concentrate on the meaning of Christmas. Instead of getting to slay my foe, I was supposed to pray for him.

What an odd concept.

Personally, I prefer bringing back dueling—-or a good punch in the snoot. It’s quick—to the point—decisive. But if this forgiveness thing were to catch on, who knows? It pains me to realize that what I want is revenge. But what I need is to forgive.

I hate it when other people are right. Happy Thanksgiving.