Part 1 of this series on 5 Year Wonders highlighted how they can add to or poison a small town. With their enthusiasm and new ideas they can keep a town like St. Helena vibrant. They can also disrupt the flow of small town life. Often heavy-handed and much smarter than us “Country Bumpkins”, they sometimes don’t get the subtleties of small town living.

In the city you can flip off the car which cuts you off, but do it here, and that driver may be your kid’s Little League Coach.


For better or worse, the rules of social interaction are different in small towns.

The point is, “It’s not how long you’ve lived here, it’s how you’ve lived here that counts.“

Generally, when I write about living in St. Helena, it’s the fuzzy-wuzzy stuff—cattle round ups in Pope Valley, Crab Feeds at Native Sons, Homecoming Parades. My friends call me corny.. I plead guilty. I love this town.

I also fight for the Ag Preserve, and love to tweak government agencies and anyone (CEQA advocates for lot lines, control freaks who want to tell you what to grow, where to grow it, and how many animals you can have, anti-fireplace folks, etc.) who attempts to destroy the quality of life my father was searching for when he brought us here.

I speak for no one—though I’m in awe of those who built this Valley.

Today's tale isn’t warm and cuddly. But it’s true. It’s a slice of small town life I’ve never known.

Over the past five years which Goobs has been on the school board, our house has been egged several times, windows broken, my jeep’s been vandalized and dozens of her campaign signs were stolen.

It’s worth it, however, because she gets $213.33 a month.

Last week she received a call: Would she and Board Member, CJ meet at an address on Taplin Rd.? Goobs was creeped. She called back and asked if they couldn't meet in public at the Roasting Co.

She was told it was too confidential, but our house was fine with them.

As two of the 5YW'S were attorneys, Goobs asked if she should bring an attorney.

"No, they're coming just as concerned parents,"


When I walked in the two concerned lawyers--er parents and two other 5YW’s sat around our dining room table with Cindy and Cynthia. I joined them. Canasta, anyone?

They proceeded to read a “Bill of Attainder”--filled with gossip, wrong facts, incorrect dates and gotchas. The short version of their "party pack" is that the former Superintendent negotiated a retirement package in which he had a vested interest (a felony that could mean jail, they said over and over), and that the Board participated--thereby culpable as well--and violated the Brown Act.

(The thought of handcuffs has a certain allure to me, but horizontal stripes are not slimming).

Then they read their demands: Fire the new Superintendent and the old. Rescind the retirement package. And the entire board must resign immediately--or “WE WILL TAKE THIS PUBLIC.”

I asked, (thinking this was 1960 and folks were trying to work together) “Pretend you are right. If the Board wants to give retirement packages, can they go back and fix it to your satisfaction?”

“No,” one lawyer said. “They’ve resigned. It’s too late.”

So the meeting wasn’t about finding answers. There was no compromising. They weren’t “sharing info or asking questions” which could be answered or countered.

It was Resign before tomorrow’s meeting or we go to the D.A. (He'd been copied on the "Bill of Attainder" as had the Star, Register, State Senator Pat Wiggins (Go figure), and the FPPC.

Now I’ve never been threatened in my own house. (I’m grateful they left their water and boards outside). To me, it was nothing less than an attempt to coerce elected officials (who ran unopposed) into resigning. An obvious attempt to overturn November’s election through (you provide the term).

Did it reach the legal definition of extortion? Lawyers we consulted suggested that the high road would be to take it to the D.A. and let him decide. We don't sue.

The Board’s legal counsel read their “complaint,” and said it was frivolous, meritless and a smear campaign. Still, what if the 5YW’s had a legitimate concern?

Isn’t it fair to bring it up? I think, yes. Everything’s up for discussion. What if there was some basis for their accusations?

Their speculations, however, left no room for discussion. It was a non-negotiable demand to resign in masse, “or else.”

In my own dining room, two attorneys were telling me that the alleged “felony” would be our little secret—just between us girls—as long as the Board played ball. No one (let alone an attorney) has ever asked me to keep an alleged crime a secret.

Welcome to Chicago.

I make no accusations. But I can recognize bad manners and bullying.

No one has been more critical of the board than I. But SHUSD didn’t invent PARS or STRS (the retirement packages). School Districts throughout the state rely on them.

Do you want to take away Bruce Frank’s retirement package?

Or do we just want to hurt those they don’t like?

BTW. Who’s going to carry the petition to remove our first Latina? I’d like to personally see the signatures on that one.

In toto, this year's 8 retirees will SAVE the district $1,200,000 over 5 years. This is a felony?

Please don’t recall my wife. We need the 213 bucks.

(to be continued next week).