The first violation of “The Code” regarding small towns is to be so presumptuous as to assume that you know what it is. Frankly, I haven’t a clue. I wasn’t born here. But Jim Pop, the City Slicker who paid $1,000 per acre for 12 acres back in the 50’s—how they laughed at us at Steve’s—-grants one minor, “pretender” status--if not actual authenticity.

Now many people who live here came from elsewhere. Not every St. Helenan, is a Dr. Woods baby.

Whether one was born here, came during the first depression or this one, it is clear that they are witnessing some code violations. There seems to be a general loss of civility.

Because people are people, wherever they live, the code applies to small towns everywhere—from California’s Wine Country to Ruhengeri, in the Virunga Mountains of Rwanda.

Unspoken rules of behavior gradually assert themselves whether one’s town has a vibrant economy or a welfare one.

Small town folk have to develop a system of getting along with one another. Otherwise, mob violence breaks out and it’s simple survival of the fittest.

The code is not written down. But everyone knows it. Full disclosure: I have violated it on occasion and felt the slings and arrows of indignant neighbors for my sheer buffoonery. How could one be so stupid? But it happens.

It’s called ego. And when it rears its head in a small town, sooner or later the exposed nail gets hammered down. Ill gotten victories are always temporary.

Cities are different. You get the gift of anonymity. Few know what a fool you are. Get cut off by a taxi? Flip him the bird! Do that on Main St. and the guy you flip off is likely to be your daughter’s little league coach. Mad at the electrician for “overcharging?” Scream, and next time a tree knocks out your electricity, he may not make that trip out to the ranch on that stormy night.
Supply and demand economics don’t work in a small town. Be rude to the plumber, and there’s no one else to call when that toilet overflows.

Years ago, Jim Pop wrote a nasty letter criticizing the treatment a vet gave to my horse, Lady. Then there was an emergency. Fortunately, Dr. Talcott was a forgiving, wise man and didn’t hold a grudge. He knew how city people were. He forgave us. Jim Pop was humbled. He learned his lesson and our families became fast friends.

The code is simple: Never gossip about another man’s child simply because you don’t want others to gossip about yours.

Smile—always. You never know when you will meet your adversary pushing a grocery cart down the aisle at Sunshine. It’s gauche to turn one’s back or duck out of the way. Don’t snub—unless you are a grande Dame or the elderly arbiter of your town’s social structure.

Neighborhoods have “characters” and “eccentrics”—not psychotics or sociopaths. Everyone respects another’s opinion—whatever it is.

That’s why City Council resolutions are so despised. “Group think” shows disrespect for individuals. We pride ourselves on tolerating independence of thought.

Feuds exist. However, you never “don’t” invite two enemies to the same dinner party. Of course you do. It’s up to them to act in a civilized manner. Only city people say, “Well, I couldn’t invite both a Hatfield and a McCoy.”

Mostly, it’s about courtesy. Remember the legendary John Daniels? Though he fought the Ag Preserve all the way to the Supreme Court—no one begrudged him. Why? John may have been in the minority, but everyone always respected him—-because as his granddaughter said last night, “He was the consummate gentleman.” Ideas were in play. It was never personal.

The code demands that you do favors without ever being repaid. If your neighbor’s cattle get out, you help him round them up—-no reward expected. A flat tire? Who will stop if you don’t? Where do you think the word “neighborly” comes from?

In cities, folks avoid eye contact. On Main St. people nod their heads and smile pleasant greetings—-to total strangers.

Small towns are not nirvana. They can be cruel, judgmental, gossipy, bigoted and unforgiving. Just like you and me. Greyhound made a living off folks who couldn't wait to "git the hell outta Dodge."

They can also be kind, generous, nurturing, and caring. Like you. Small towns are like people. They contain the best and the worst that mankind has to offer.
That’s why when City Councils disrespect individuals and pass resolutions in “the name of all St. Helenans”—-and school boards meet late at night and disrespect the voters’ opinions—appoint insiders without considering either Hispanic or female candidates—or just someone superbly qualified--people get really upset.

Disrespecting your neighbors is simply bad manners. And bad manners can rip a community apart.

(Of course, the ultimate in bad manners is writing about it and pointing it out. Sometimes you just can’t win).