It’s a New Year. Time for resolutions and time to dream – not of what is, but what might be. I thinkof it as WAJ—-the World According to Jeff.

We all have our private version of WAJ. Which one of us wouldn't want the world to be as we always dreamed it should?

My friend coined the term. Knowing that I'm often "out in left field" as my mother used to say, he just shrugs his shoulders and says, "That's ridiculous. Life's not that way – never will be."

It comes up when he hears outlandish statements like my claim that sunblock causes skin cancer. “Hogwash. That’s WAJ at its worst.”

(For the record, the steep rise in skin cancer coincided with the widespread use of lotions like Sea and Ski. Two French contrarians hypothesized that some UV rays form a protective shell that keeps out the more harmful rays. They thought sunblock prevented the good rays from getting in. Recently, some Cal researchers “found that three commonly used ultraviolet (UV) filters…eventually soak into the deeper layers of the skin after their application, leaving the top skin layers vulnerable to sun damage. UV rays absorbed by the skin can generate harmful compounds called=2 0reactive oxygen species (ROS), which can cause skin cancer and premature aging. The researchers found that once the filters in sunscreen soak into the lower layers of skin, the filters react with UV light to create more damaging ROS.)

We report. You decide.

In the world of WAJ nothing is but what is not. Fires prevent fires. I like the Indian way (Casino, not Techno). They started fires in late May to create diverse eco-systems and to aid in hunting. The result was a lack of underbrush in the forests. Clear the underbrush and the big trees don’t burn. In WAJ, we would take monies dedicated to fighting forest fires and use it to clear underbrush in our hills to prevent larger fires.

If Obama wants a public works program, this one should be on the agenda. It would employ people and save our Western hills at the same time.

In WAJ, the Napa Valley has more water than it could ever use. This is no place to bore you with the math, but over a million acre feet of rain falls each year (yes, even with drought cycles).

Grapes, houses and industry require less than 100,000 acre feet each year. If we’d onl y capture it by damming up the head waters of Sulfur Creek, or raising Conn Damn, Rector and Bell Canyon by a few feet, we could control flooding and add to our supply.

Some 400,000 acre feet sit underground in various fissures and aquifers. We could mine that supply like oil, and have more than enough. Grapes are not the problem. They not only use less water than you think, there’s just not enough acreage (less than 50,000) planted.

WAJ was never very politically correct.


Speaking of politics, in WAJ voting booths would be returned to the people. Civil Servants would listen to the voters, not act imperiously, just because it may be “legal” to do so.

More politics: In WAJ Mark Felt was not Deep Throat. It was a gal from Cal (but why go there. No one believes it anyway).

In WAJ the property taxes folks in Angwin and Pope Valley pay for secondary schools would follow their kids to the high schools they choose—not be scooped up by the Napa County Office of Education.

In WAJ Angwin’s TRIAD would triage—-and go back to Eco Hell where it came from.

While waiting for Flood Control money, WAJ would send Cats and dump trucks back into the river near Vineyard Valley (like we used to) to clear the channel of debris.

WAJ would never allow “re-drawing” of flood control maps because the “technology” is better today than in 1980. Will we re-draw them again in another 30 years?

Because it’s better for the planet than using electricity, fireplace use would be encouraged in rural areas, never discouraged. The ban on new fireplaces would be immediately lifted—and Napa Valley would be exempt from BAAQMD authority.

In WAJ receivers would be taught to catch footballs with their little fingers touching—not “thumbs touching.” (But you have to be a football freak to follow that one.)

Corkage for locals would go the way of TRIAD in WAJ.

In fact, in WAJ, restaurants would have two menus (like some towns in Europe). One for locals, one for outliers. Wouldn’t be bad if gas stations did the same.

If St. Helena wants to build affordable housing, it would be “work force” housing —and the City would buy a few cheaper acres of ag land and rezone it—rather than build on expensive commercial land in the heart of the city like on Adams. It's not going to harm the Ag preserve to take two acres (out of 485,000)and turn it into housing.

Bike racks would be everywhere and bicycle lanes would be promoted. Local charities would give free bikes to the workers looking for jobs in the parking lot. Parents in town would not be allowed to drive their kids to school—bikes or walking would be the rule.

St. Helena stoplights would be removed and replaced by roundabouts or volunteer senior citizen traffic cops who would wear helmets, unis, and wave batons like in Europe and Asia.

All new paved parking lots would have to look like the one on Pope St. at the college. The placement of trees there make it look like an old time walnut orchard—not a parking lot.

Alas, like Oz, Santa, and Cal in the Rose Bowl, WAJ exists only in one’s imagination. No doubt that is a good thing. Happy New Year.