As everyone knows, “MayDay” is the international signal for ships in distress. It comes from from the French phrase 'M'aidez': “Help Me.”

May Day (May 1st ) is also the revered international Holiday amongst communist countries.

So there was some poetic symmetry to fact that on May Day, the Star reported the proposed expanded powers being sought by St. Helena’s “Tree Committee.”

Lucky for us they are seeking jurisdiction over all trees (on private as well as public property) in town.

No doubt they took their cue from the City Council’s 3 to 2 vote to ban new fireplaces a few weeks back.

Does someone detect a pattern here?

In my ignorance, I think St. Helena is one of the most beautiful towns in the country, let alone the State. Trees are a huge reason for the bucolic atmosphere that makes this town unique. They’re ubiquitous and magnificent.

What is a mystery is how we got all these wonderful trees without the benefit of a “tree committee” in the first place?

“The ordinance would require the tree committee’s approval to remove certain trees, regardless of where they stand…. the tree committee would choose whether to permit the removal, and whether to impose a mitigation plan requiring new trees to be planted.

If property owners object to the decision, they could appeal to the city council.”

I guess when we signed that grant deed, we overlooked the names of those committee members and the city council who hold joint title to our property. Our mistake.

"We noted that trees were coming down in people’s yards indiscriminately,” said one member.

“Indiscriminately.” I think that means without their approval.

“We wanted to try to preserve the trees in St. Helena, including the ones on private property.”

And we don’t?

No doubt these folks are well meaning, but communes went out in the 60’s. It was in all the papers.

Can’t we weed our own gardens without city interference? Need we spend more time and money on permits?

Anyone remember those two huge oak limbs which fell in Jaeger’s front and back yard a few years back? Those oaks (on the old Keller property) were probably 300 years old. Much better to have let them fall through the kids’ bedroom than to have heartlessly cut them down.

This unelected committee wants jurisdiction over oaks at least six inches in diameter or “breast height.” Six inches is what most of us would consider a large shrub. “Breast height? “ Well, depending upon who’s doing the measuring, I might be able to go along with that one.

One member said, “”its language was based on ordinances already on the books in similar cities.”

Sort of like Vallejo basing firemen’s salaries on “like” communities. If they have a bad idea, we can make it worse.

Remember how over-regulation of landscaping decimated homes during the Angora fire in Tahoe last year?

What about enforcement? Like fireplace smoke are we encouraging neighbors to rat on neighbors? Ah. The beauty of the Nanny State!

Normally, one would want to fight such a committee. But that was the old me.
So rather than being a killjoy, I propose that we add more committees.

Why limit ourselves to trees? Let’s start a flower committee. They’re ipso facto inappropriate because most are not native species. Forget their beauty.
As a Cal guy, I hate red, and I see lots of red roses planted in this town. My committee would end that.

We need a car committee. People are buying cars which are bad for the environment. A committee should decide what cars people could sell, and what cars they could buy. After all, their choices effect “our” environment.

The Goobs thinks we need a shoe committee. She tells me there are a lot of ugly shoes that shouldn’t be permitted.

And what about marriage? Bad marriages affect us all. We need a committee to prevent folks from marrying the wrong people.

We need more government, not less.

These committees might be considered frivolous, so let’s get serious. Clearly, according to the tree committee and certain council members, the founding fathers blew it. Since committees are going to control trees on private property, fireplaces in private homes, water usage on private lots, etc. let’s get them out there to take on the basic issues that have been messing up this country from the beginning.

We need a committee on free speech and the establishment of religion. Lots of people say the wrong thing, and this town has too many churches for its size. Need we even talk about the right of assembly?

A committee on the right to bear arms is mandatory to say nothing of search and seizures.

Testify against one’s self? Let’s leave it up to a vote. Only a committee can decide properly about depriving one of life, liberty, or property without due process. The answer to private property being taken without just compensation has already been addressed by the Tree Committee.

A Committee should decide who’s entitled to a jury trial. As to assistance of counsel, and that self-indulgent, habeas corpus stuff, a voluntary committee ought to be able to sort that out.

And certainly a Committee should decide what some wimps think is cruel and unusual punishment.

Need we go on?

It’s so easy. Landscaping improves property values. Folks are incentivized to plant. That’s why for 140 years in this town, as trees comes down, more go up—all without any committee.

Even were that not so, aren’t there 10 sacred reasons why this is an odious idea? “Ya’ can look it up.” They were ratified December 15th, 1791. "M'aidez"!